I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
