being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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