You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
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