Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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