Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
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