Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
