Yo dont text me then not text me
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Randomize
