from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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