I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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