she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
