I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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