I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
