I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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