I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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