the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
