"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
