totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
