It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
