Sry I called you an 8
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
