well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
