Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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