never play flip cup with pint glasses
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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