God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
