the condom got lost in my hair
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
