i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
