I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
