3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
