you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
is that a dick in a sweater?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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