How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
he fucked my hip out of place.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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