I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
