Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
