DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
