Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
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