I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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