I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
