sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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