I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
