We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
