what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
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