So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
