Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
