i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
They have beer where we have blood.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Randomize