Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
