News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I want a musical about memes.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize