I think i peed on brittanys purse
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
