awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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