you guys were way drunker than both of me
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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