And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
