this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize