Jerry, you need to find god
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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