how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
