Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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