can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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