So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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