i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I need mimosas to revive my soul
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
