It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
