I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
He told me they were just razor bumps!
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
