New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize