Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
