maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
