I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
