: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
