There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
