there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
My vagina is officially offended.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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