I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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