i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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