Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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