we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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