I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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