Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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