I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
