So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
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