i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
