my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
