There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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