i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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