So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
