piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
