If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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