Dude my mom stole all your condoms
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
50% drunk capacity currently
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
