I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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