She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
