Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
