Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
