Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
