If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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