I will die if light touches me.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Im part way to drunk.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
