I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Best friends brother. Beat that.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
