apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
