just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
