Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
