I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I'm passing your future prison.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
