based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
