Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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