I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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