He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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