There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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