Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
