oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
