..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
