at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
sex in a hospital.. check
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
