Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
