so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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