He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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