I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
