Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
